More than just a day off

Sorry that I have failed to keep up with my blog, lately. It's been such a crazy time, and there has been so much on my heart that I wanted to share, but couldn't. And now, I finally can.

DISCLAIMER: This has NOTHING to do with the state of our relationship. I love Daniel with my whole heart, and the wedding is more than for sure on in December. 

To skip all the gory details, Dan and I have resigned from our position, well his position as Youth Minister. Despite what many people think, or hear, or say-this is not a rash decision. We have prayed, and prayed, and sought wise council, prayed some more and tried to "work this out" the best we could, in every angle that we could, for months now. As we have made this decision together, we feel that it is time for us to move on. We resign with sad, sad hearts. But, as a new, young family, we have to do what is best for us. We have been so bruised and broken (spiritually, mentally, physically) that we are not adequately equipped to serve in a leadership position at this time. We love each other, we love our students, we love our leaders, and we love our church family unconditionally. Unconditionally. There just comes a time when you have to say "enough is enough. I need to get myself right, before I can lead others." With resigning, we leave with no other opportunity to accept. Clearly, we feel this strongly about our decision that we must leave our position with only 4 months left before our wedding. I stand behind my husband to be, fully, in this decision and can only ask for prayers for our next step.

The part that saddens me most about leaving is that we are spiritually broken. I mean, I've only been "in the ministry" for a year and a half now, but I can see how minister are so easily broken. There are no harsh words in this for our former church, none what so ever. This happens all the time, in many churches, all over the world. What do I mean by "this?" I mean ministers ministering to the church and its people, but not being ministered to. What most people don't see in ministry is that its more than a Sunday morning job. Its more that just being in the office Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. We don't get to come home and turn it off. Sorry, but that just doesn't happen. On good days, we have students and sponsors at our house just hanging out, playing video games, and eating good food. On bad days, we are talking to students and families that have a lot more going on when we realize. And stuff like that, the good and the bad stays with you for awhile. That being said, us ministers are people too. What if we have a bad day? What if we are struggling with something? When do we get to worship? When do we get to sit down, and listen to and appreciate a good sermon. To be honest with you, Dan and I don't get to worship, together or alone ever on Sundays just because we are so busy. Sunday is no sabbath for a minister. Don't get me wrong. We do what we do to bring all glory and honor to God, for Christ's Kingdom, and there is no one we would rather be working for. We humbly and whole-heartedly serve and awesome, amazing God. But we don't get fulfilled. Too often in churches we see ministers being burnt out from serving. Shouldn't that throw up a red flag here? A persons relationship with God is personal, but it takes a community to really get that relationship thriving. Even as ministers, we need a break, we need a sabbath, we need a community to surround us, and lift us up, and give us words of wisdom, and time to heal and pray and learn and love in a way that will keep our ministry healthy. And I'm not just talking about a day off. I'm talking some real, solid Jesus time, among other people (since we are JUST PEOPLE TOO) to build strong relational ties with God, with our spouses, and with each other. Its so vital.

Prayers for Dan and I this week as we get closer and closer to the best and most important day of our life! We have so much change coming, and its all positive. Dan had his interview at Papa John's today (classy, I know, but we gotta do something!) and we think it went really really well. We also have a few other big things happening within the next couple weeks so please please please pray hard on those!