When Words Aren't Enough

There are days when sometimes I feel like all I ever do is talk. Words and phrases flow from my lips without any thought behind them. My mouth becomes a babbling brook of thoughtless prose. It's like I'll be giving my sister a compliment on the super cute sweater she just bought from Old Navy, and in my mind all I can hear is "I can wear that to dinner next Friday! It's perfect; not too casual, not too dressy..." An empty sentence of compliance is all I have to offer, because of my own selfish gain. It happens to the best of us. We just blurt out whatever appealing words are at the tips of our tongues, regardless of meaning. It's the same way in our relationship with God. We wake up everyday, given this new gift of life and we go about our business, maybe we'll say a quick prayer as we drive to work, but its never more than a few words of "thanks." What good are these words without thought or action behind them! Or we got to church every Sunday, sit front row, and listen to Scott preach the beautiful Word, and we nod our heads when a word like "grace" or "mercy" or "faith" pops into the sermon. I don't think all of us really grasp that "grace" and "mercy" and "thanks" and "faith" aren't nouns. They're verbs. Verb. A word that represents an action or a state of being. As Christians, sometimes we fall into this trap where we get caught up in the words we feel we have to say to sound, well for lack of a better term, "Christian." Our prayers become more mumbo jumbo than meaningful. We forget that what it means to BE grace, to BE mercy, to BE thanks, to BE faith. We fall the shortest when it comes to BEING faith. Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." For me, that's an awesome definition of faith, but that's just it. Its only a definition. With this faith that we have in our unseen Savior we have to take it and act upon it. In Galatians, we are reminded of the freedom we have been given through Christ. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so that our chains may be broken, setting us free from our own, selfish undying ways. Paul writes in Galatians 5: 5-6 "But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope...the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." James asks us what good is our faith without any deeds? We've all heard the proverbial cliche "if you're going to talk the talk, you're going to have to walk the walk." But its true. No longer can we just sit around, acting Casual Christian. We have to get out of our front row seats and become part of the show. We have to dig deeper, sing louder, work harder, get dirtier, all in action for the glory of God. Because sooner or later, we all come to realize that words are never enough.




I wrote this just about a year ago. It rings more true today, than ever. 

More than just a day off

Sorry that I have failed to keep up with my blog, lately. It's been such a crazy time, and there has been so much on my heart that I wanted to share, but couldn't. And now, I finally can.

DISCLAIMER: This has NOTHING to do with the state of our relationship. I love Daniel with my whole heart, and the wedding is more than for sure on in December. 

To skip all the gory details, Dan and I have resigned from our position, well his position as Youth Minister. Despite what many people think, or hear, or say-this is not a rash decision. We have prayed, and prayed, and sought wise council, prayed some more and tried to "work this out" the best we could, in every angle that we could, for months now. As we have made this decision together, we feel that it is time for us to move on. We resign with sad, sad hearts. But, as a new, young family, we have to do what is best for us. We have been so bruised and broken (spiritually, mentally, physically) that we are not adequately equipped to serve in a leadership position at this time. We love each other, we love our students, we love our leaders, and we love our church family unconditionally. Unconditionally. There just comes a time when you have to say "enough is enough. I need to get myself right, before I can lead others." With resigning, we leave with no other opportunity to accept. Clearly, we feel this strongly about our decision that we must leave our position with only 4 months left before our wedding. I stand behind my husband to be, fully, in this decision and can only ask for prayers for our next step.

The part that saddens me most about leaving is that we are spiritually broken. I mean, I've only been "in the ministry" for a year and a half now, but I can see how minister are so easily broken. There are no harsh words in this for our former church, none what so ever. This happens all the time, in many churches, all over the world. What do I mean by "this?" I mean ministers ministering to the church and its people, but not being ministered to. What most people don't see in ministry is that its more than a Sunday morning job. Its more that just being in the office Monday through Friday, 9 to 5. We don't get to come home and turn it off. Sorry, but that just doesn't happen. On good days, we have students and sponsors at our house just hanging out, playing video games, and eating good food. On bad days, we are talking to students and families that have a lot more going on when we realize. And stuff like that, the good and the bad stays with you for awhile. That being said, us ministers are people too. What if we have a bad day? What if we are struggling with something? When do we get to worship? When do we get to sit down, and listen to and appreciate a good sermon. To be honest with you, Dan and I don't get to worship, together or alone ever on Sundays just because we are so busy. Sunday is no sabbath for a minister. Don't get me wrong. We do what we do to bring all glory and honor to God, for Christ's Kingdom, and there is no one we would rather be working for. We humbly and whole-heartedly serve and awesome, amazing God. But we don't get fulfilled. Too often in churches we see ministers being burnt out from serving. Shouldn't that throw up a red flag here? A persons relationship with God is personal, but it takes a community to really get that relationship thriving. Even as ministers, we need a break, we need a sabbath, we need a community to surround us, and lift us up, and give us words of wisdom, and time to heal and pray and learn and love in a way that will keep our ministry healthy. And I'm not just talking about a day off. I'm talking some real, solid Jesus time, among other people (since we are JUST PEOPLE TOO) to build strong relational ties with God, with our spouses, and with each other. Its so vital.

Prayers for Dan and I this week as we get closer and closer to the best and most important day of our life! We have so much change coming, and its all positive. Dan had his interview at Papa John's today (classy, I know, but we gotta do something!) and we think it went really really well. We also have a few other big things happening within the next couple weeks so please please please pray hard on those!